Uncommen Words of a Husband

I’m reading the @YouVersion plan ‘UNCOMMEN: Uncommen Words Of Husbands, Dads, & Leaders’. Check it out here: http://bible.com/r/19H

Day 2 – Uncommen Words of a Husband

Proverbs 10:14 – “Wise men store up knowledge, but with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand.”

I’ve learned that one of the worst things a husband can do, is make wrong assumptions regarding the way his wife feels and thinks.

This usually happens in the beginning of the marriage, when you both discover new things about each other that you’ve never seen nor experienced during courtship. And then, again, a few years later into the marriage, when you think you already know your spouse – without considering that people grow and change over time.

My wife and I used to talk all the time. When we were much younger we used to spend hours on the phone just talking about anything and nothing. She would also write me these well-crafted letters, and I would write back (to my shame, nowhere near as creative as hers). Then came unlimited texting, instant messaging, video chat, you name it – we went through and used all the technological innovations along the way.

Marriage changed the dynamic, for sure, especially as work became more demanding, and with raising two young kids. In time, our conversations became more and more – practical.

There came a point – and it happened a few times as well – sometime last year to this year, that we found ourselves saying to one another, “I don’t know you anymore.” It sounds bad, but it’s more of a mutual observation, really. It was an eye-opener to both of us that we’ve become somewhat different people since we got married. I think, this is one of the causes of our (not so often) arguments in the past – in our minds, we were talking to the same person we knew 10-20 years ago.

With that wrong assumption, foolish words were exchanged.

Wisdom, then, is storing knowledge about my wife, so I may keep myself from saying foolish things.

So how can I store up knowledge? (Is there a download button?)

The way to do this, is to create a comfortable, safe, love-filled, and grace-filled environment for my wife to open up to me (again). I can do this by making adjustments to my work and work style, so that I will have energy left for my time with my family. I should help out more with the kids and with the housework. If she’s too tired, or if there’s no more time, then we won’t be able to talk. Then, I should encourage her to share, not only what she did that day (like we’ve accustomed to) – but also her thoughts and feelings throughout the day.

As I (re)discover my wife, I will not only gain wisdom, but I will also be able to bless my wife and my children as well.

Like the devotional says, Happy wife – Happy life. 🙂

Uncommen Words

I’m reading the @YouVersion plan ‘UNCOMMEN: Uncommen Words Of Husbands, Dads, & Leaders’. Check it out here:http://bible.com/r/19H

Day 1 – Uncommen Words

By God’s grace — by the way I was made, and through the experiences I’ve been allowed to go through — I’m mostly kind in my words and thoughts to and about other people. That’s not to say that I don’t have the occasional complaints or criticisms (those seem to happen more often as I age), but I don’t think I have ever gone as far as cursing people.

My problem — and God has convicted me of this many times — is not the Sin of Commission, but the Sin of Omission. I could be blessing others more often, I could be pointing people to Christ more often. Is this the same as cursing them? Maybe not, but I do know that in James it also says that if you know the good you ought to do and you don’t do it, that is considered as sin.

My words, whether spoken or written, are an outpouring of what’s on my heart and mind. The root of the problem is there.

That’s the one, main, thing that God is saying to me.

My 2018 Prayer, Problem, and Prayer Request

The passage for the 1st day of #Intercede2018 (Booklet, PDF) is on Ephesians 3:14-19.  Here Paul shares his prayer for the Christians in Ephesus – for his ‘spiritual children’ :

  • to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being
  • that Christ may dwell in your hearts
  • be rooted and grounded in love
  • have strength to comprehend the breadth and length and height and depth
  • and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge
  • that you may be filled with all the fullness of God

As I read (and re-read) this passage, I see in my mind my son, my daughter, my wife. This is my prayer for them as well! This was exactly what I was thinking about yesterday. It would be so awesome if this becomes a lifestyle for them.

But wait… this sounds like a sad case of “do as I say, but not as I do”…

The reality is, for my family to experience these things, I have to lead them. I have to model this life for them. Then let’s say I am able to live out this ‘filled’ life, it’s all meaningless if I’m not with them. How can I lead them, model to them, if they can’t see me? I need to be present – yes, physically  – in their lives.

I’ve known this at the back of my head for a while, but this time I’m calling it out. I have two very big problems:

  1. For my family to live abundant lives in Christ, I must lead by example
  2. For me to lead by example, I must be physically – and mentally, emotionally -present in their lives

Good thing it’s P&F week…

A Father’s Request

Is it alright that the (re)start point of my faith is because of my want for my family to have abundant lives? I want them to have joy-filled, purpose-filled, blessing-others, weather-the-storms kind of lives that I know for certain God – and only God – can give.

It just feels dishonest (to be honest), because I know – and God knows – that my motivation is not from a strong personal desire, like the rekindling of an old fire, or a personal spiritual revival of sorts. My motivation is, simply: I have something I want to ask of God.

Incidentally, that something is for my family to have in them a strong personal desire for God that will lead to said abundant lives. But seeking the gift over the Giver? For shame.

I am reminded of fathers in the New Testament who’ve made requests to Jesus in behalf of their children. By God’s grace, none in my family are sick now, so the seriousness of our requests may not be of the same caliber. But they did go to Jesus not for themselves, but because they had a request for their family… so is this… okay?

I hope so.. I think so.. Our approach has two elements that I know God desires in his people: Surrender (I cannot do this…) and Faith (…but I know You can).

Maybe the rekindling of the fire will come later on. My ask is not a one-time request: it’s day to day for as long as I am alive. So I will keep on seeking Jesus, I will keep on surrendering, listening and obeying His instructions, I will keep on believing. Then, as He keeps his promises, as He does all the great things he does, as He shows me and I begin to understand his love… maybe, maybe there’s hope for me too.

Mess to Message

To be honest, I haven't been consistently right with God for the past few days, weeks, and months. My life is a crazy mess. Which would be fine if my crazy mess of a life has no consequence to other people. Unfortunately and to my shame, until I get myself together I am messing up their lives as well.

It's the perfect word, "mess". It's really only by grace that we are surviving day by day, that my life is not falling apart, and that sometimes, there are even really really good days. These are all completely undeserved.

Now I am presented with a great opportunity: To experience, once again, the kind of changes that happen when I recommit and persevere in "seeking first God's kingdom and righteousness".

I feel ashamed that, after all this time, after all the times God has proven Himself faithful and powerful, I have come to this low point of my life again.

But at the same time, I feel excited. I know that things will turn out awesome. I know it.

But I have to do my part.